For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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