I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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