She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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