if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
