i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
