I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
