Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
