worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
