Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
