You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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