His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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