Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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