booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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