I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
