I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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