yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
MIDGETS
????
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
