She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
