I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
