I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she told me i tasted like america
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
