He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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