my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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