Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
