last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
