..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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