If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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