White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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