is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
