my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you had me at cake vodka
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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