Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
