I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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