i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
