hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
