HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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