I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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