My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
