What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
