who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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