why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
