its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
