literally had 100 drinks last night.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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