Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
