I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
