do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
