i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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