I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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