.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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