i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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