there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Less talking, more tequila
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
