I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
