The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dont even know how to be here
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
