in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
