Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
