the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am one with the molecules
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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