go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
